Matrix Reloaded Revised Parody 5887
by Mad Dog2
Summary: Yes!Another ruthless Matrix: Reloaded parody!So..what's new?Nothing.But read it, it's good, or YOUR MONEY BACK!Guaranteed!


Matrix Reloaded Parody #10151688.My first fan fic so reviews would be appreciated.  
  
Roll: THE MOST EXPENSIVE OPENING TITLE SEQUENCE EVER INT. GUARD HOUSE  
  
GUARD #1 - Y'know, being an extra really sucks.  
GUARD #2 - You're telling me!  
WACHOWSKI BROS - Okay, enough character development, time to die.  
  
TRINITY crashes a motorbike into the GUARD HOUSE for NO APPARENT REASON  
  
AUDIENCE - Fight, fight, fight!  
  
TRINITY fights the surviving security guards for NO APPARENT REASON.  
  
AUDIENCE - Yes!  
  
TRINITY vanishes in with the MOST EXPENSIVE TELEPORTATION EFFECTS EVER  
  
EXT. SKYSCRAPER  
  
TRINITY and AGENT THOMPSON jump out of a building and fall to their death for NO APPARENT REASON.  
  
INT. THE NEBUCHADNEZZER  
  
NEO wakes up.It was JUST A DREAM.  
  
TRINITY - What is it, Neo?You can tell me.  
  
NEO - No I can't  
  
TRINITY - Fair enough.  
  
MORPHEUS - Land here  
  
LINK - Why?  
  
MORPHEUS - The Special Effects are reason enough.You have much to learn, my young padawan  
  
INT. STRANGE ROOM IN THE MATRIX  
  
All the CAPTAINS WHO NEVER DO ANYTHING are here.So is NIOBE, a captain who DOES STUFF in the GAME.but not in the MOVIE.GHOST is looking over her shoulder.praying he will get a LINE IN.  
  
MORPHEUS - Bow down to me, mere mortals!  
  
OTHER CAPTAINS - Jackass  
  
NIOBE - The machines are digging down to Zion.Everyone will be killed.  
  
MORPHEUS - Nah, Neo will stop them.  
  
CAPTAIN - And what if the prophecy isn't true?  
  
MORPHEUS - Speak to the Hand!  
(MEANWHILE there is a KNOCK at the DOOR)  
  
AGENT SMITH - I have a gift for Neo.He set me free.  
  
DOORMAN - How strange...Seeya!  
  
AGENT SMITH - Seeya!  
  
NEO - Who was that?  
  
DOORMAN - It beats me.He gave you this.  
  
(Hands over AGENT SMITH'S EARPIECE.)  
  
NEO - Hmmm, this earpiece mesmerises me..  
  
(AGENTS THOMPSON, WHOSAMIJG, and WHATSISFACE break the door down)  
  
AGENTS - Dude, you are SOO gonna get your ass kicked!  
  
(NEO kicks some serious ass)  
  
AGENT THOMPSON - I call it a draw!  
  
(NEO flies off for NO APPARENT REASON)  
  
INT. ZION  
  
AUDIENCE - Oh, wow, those robots are REEEALLY impressive!  
  
WACHOWSKI BROS. - Don't knock them!They cost 3.6 million!  
  
(THE CREW disembark the NEBUCHADNEZZER)  
  
THE KID - Wow, I'm, like, your biggest fan!  
  
NEO - God you're annoying!  
  
THE KID - Can I take your bags, my liege?  
  
NEO - No!  
  
LINK - It's okay, Kid, I'LL take advantage of your naivity!  
  
THE KID - Yay!  
  
(Enter LOCKE'S ABSURDLY DRESSED HENCHMEN)  
  
HENCHMAN - Commander Locke will see you now.  
  
AUDIENCE - Are they kimonos?  
  
LOCKE'S OFFICE  
  
LOCKE - Morpheus, how come you ignore my orders?  
  
MORPHEUS - Same reason you stole my girlfriend.  
  
COUNCILLOR HAMANN - Now, now, can't we all just get along?  
  
MORPHEUS - No  
  
LOCKE - No.  
  
COUNCILLOR HAMANN - Ah, well.Can't blame a man for trying.  
  
LOWER LEVELS OF ZION  
  
(NEO and TRINITY'S make-out session is interrupted when POOR PEOPLE treat NEO like MARLON BRANDO.)  
  
NEO - Aw, crap!  
  
TRINITY - I'm out of here!  
  
(Meanwhile LINK goes HOME to his WIFE and KIDS.Insert poignant scene here)  
  
BIG CAVE  
  
(Councillor Hamann is ending his speech)  
  
COUNCILLOR HAMANN - Anyway, enough crap no-one will listen to.Now for some stuff you have no choice but to listen to!Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Zions #1 pretentious bastard.MORPHEUS!  
  
MORPHEUS - GREETINGS ZION!I COME HERE TO INSPIRE YOU, RALLY YOU, AND BRING YOU BEHIND ME!IF I CANNOT DO THIS, THEN I AT LEAST WILL MAKE YOU WISH YOU HAD THAT MICROPHONE INSTALLED!MACHINES ARE COMING TO KILL US ALL, BUT NEO WILL SAVE THE DAY!IN THE MEANTIME THERE IS ONE THING WE CAN DO TO HELP FIGHT THE MACHINES...  
  
(Pause)  
  
MORPHEUS - DANCE PARTY!  
  
ZION CROWD - Wooyeah!  
  
(Fatboy Slim begins to play)  
  
NEO - Eugh, I hate Fat Boy Slim!  
  
TRINITY - Well, then.wanna have a gratuitous sex scene?  
  
NEO - Do I?!?  
  
(NEO gets it on with TRINITY in HER APARTMENT)  
  
NEO - Baby, your rivets turn me on..  
  
WACHOWSKI BROS. - Sex scenes and dance party shots NEVER get boring!  
  
AUDIENCE - (Sigh)  
  
(Now NEO has consumated TRINITY, he lies back and dreams of AGENT SMITH)  
  
AUDIENCE - Er.does Neo 'bat for the other team'?  
  
(AGENT SMITH does some WEIRD STUFF to a REBEL.NEO wakes up shocked.)  
  
NEO - Oh my god.I dreamt of Agent Smith after having sex..I'm so confused!  
  
ZION CORRIDORS  
  
COUNCILLOR HAMANN - Can't sleep, huh?  
  
NEO - No.  
  
COUNCILLOR HAMANN - Neither can I.Y'know what I do when I can't sleep?  
  
NEO - What?  
  
COUNCILLOR HAMANN - I go check out the millions of dollars worth of CGI in the basement.  
  
NEO - Cool.When there's no action we've gotta "Wow" the audience somehow.  
  
ENGINE ROOM  
  
COUNCILLOR HAMANN - Incredible isn't it.That we're fighting machines out there, but here we've got thousands.  
  
NEO - But we are in control of them.  
  
COUNCILLOR HAMANN - No we're not.  
  
AUDIENCE - Oh, god!Not one of THESE conversations!  
  
NEO - Well, maybe we should shut them down.  
  
COUNCILLOR HAMANN - No, we'd die if we did that.  
  
NEO - Uh, huh.What's the point of this little chat?  
  
COUNCILLOR HAMANN - No point.  
  
NEO - Oh.well it's been very.enlightening..or something.  
  
ZION - THE NEXT DAY  
  
TRINITY - Neo, you have a message from the Oracle.She's arranged a meeting place.  
  
NEO - Does that mean we'll start getting some sort of a plot going after 40 minutes of pointless drivel?  
  
MORPHEUS - Indeed it does.15 minutes of plot, and 95 minutes of action!  
  
NEO - Alright!Lets leave this boring dump!  
  
(A REBEL who looks just like AGENT SMITH *hint, hint* shows up holding a knife)  
  
REBEL SMITH - Hey there  
  
NEO - What are you doing with that knife?  
  
REBEL SMITH - Slitting my palms open.As you do.  
  
(There is an AWKWARD MOMENT)  
  
REBEL SMITH - Hey, c'mon guys, we all do it, right?  
  
(Pause)  
  
REBEL SMITH - Ah, well, seeya.  
  
TRINITY - Could that have been Agent Smith?  
  
MORPHEUS - Don't be ridiculous.THAT guy had a beard.  
  
TACKY MEMORABILIA REPOSITORY  
  
(NEO stops in front of a door and opens it)  
  
NEO - What the?You're not the Oracle!  
  
SERAPH - Duh! Now stand still while I punch you!  
  
(Long fight scene for NO APPARENT REASON)  
  
SERAPH - Now we'll stop just there, good chum.You obviously are Neo.  
  
NEO - Wouldn't you have known that from the trechcoat and the way-too- cool glasses?  
  
SERAPH - You seem to be forgetting who directed this movie.  
  
NEO - Oh right.  
  
SERAPH - Anyway, let's go meet the Oracle.  
  
(They go through the door they came in, and arrive in a CITY SQUARE.It was clearly a MAGIC DOOR)  
  
ORACLE - Hi there, Neo.Want to sit down?  
  
NEO - Yes I did.How did you know?  
  
ORACLE - I know everything  
  
NEO - Well, I don't  
  
ORACLE - Really.What a shame.Anyway, you have to go find a man named The Keymaker.He is prisoner of a program known as The Mavoringian.or something like that.Rescue him.  
  
NEO - Why?  
  
ORACLE - If I told you that, it wouldn't be mysterious, would it?Toodles!  
  
(THE ORACLE and SERAPH leave)  
  
NEO - Okay, I guess I'll be heading back to my ship.  
  
(AGENT SMITH walks up, scaring the pigeons)  
  
NEO - .or maybe not  
  
AGENT SMITH - Mr Anderson, surprised to see me?  
  
NEO - Do I look surprised?  
  
AGENT SMITH - You're Keeanu Reeves, it's hard to tell.Anyway, I'm back.  
  
NEO - I thought I killed you.  
  
AGENT SMITH - No, you just disconnected me from the Matrix.Now I am free.  
  
NEO - Crap!  
  
AGENT SMITH - I had two choices: head to the Source for deletion, or stick around and get vengeance on your sorry ass.  
  
AUDIENCE - Hmmmm, tough one.  
  
AGENT SMITH - Now I have come to kill you.  
  
NEO - You and what army, smart guy?  
  
(Enter SMITH'S CLONE ARMY)  
  
NEO - Oh, right.  
  
AUDIENCE - Argh!Clone army!Episode 2 flashbacks!*shudder*  
  
(NEO and SMITH have the MOST EXPENSIVE CLONE ARMY FIGHT EVER)  
  
AGENT SMITH - More clones!  
  
(The WACHOWSKI BROS. blow HALF THEIR BUDGET)  
  
WACHOWSKI BROS. - More clones!  
  
(There goes WACHOWSKI SCR.'S LIFE SAVINGS)  
  
AUDIENCE - *groan *, MORE clones?  
  
(The AGENT SMITHS pin NEO in a huge PILE-ON)  
  
AGENT SMITH - Haha, I have you now Mr Anderson.eugh, who farted?  
  
(NEO stops MUCKING ABOUT and kills them all)  
  
TRINITY - Wow, my hero!  
  
MEANWHILE, ZION COUNCIL HALL  
  
LOCK - Councillors, I want approval for my plan to send every ship on a suicide mission  
  
COUNCILLOR - No, we want to send some ships on a wild-goose-chase.  
  
AUDIENCE - At least the Wachowskis have made believable politics  
  
COUNCILLOR - Okay, who wants to go and look for Morpheus?  
  
REBEL SMITH - Oooh, ooh, pick me, pick me!  
  
COUNCILLOR - I don't trust men with beards.  
  
UNIMPORTANT CAPTAIN - I'll go.  
  
COUNCILLOR - Good for you.Now can we have a proper captain, who wears sunglasses and has a proper name?  
  
NIOBE - I'll go.  
  
LOCK - No!Do not do it, my love!DO NOT LEAVE ME!  
  
COUNCILLOR - Jesus christ, will you two get a room?  
  
PLUSH RESTAURANT  
  
MORPHEUS - Greetings, Mavoringian.  
  
MAVORINGIAN - `Ello, you Anglo-Saxon scum!I am zee mighty Mavoringian, the most blatant French stereotype imaginable!My arrogance is matched only by zee atrocity of my accent!Hahaha!  
  
NEO - We are looking-  
  
MAVORINGIAN - Zee keymaker, I know!  
  
TRINITY - How do you know that?  
  
MAVORINGIAN - You (Anglo-Saxon) `umans are SOOO predictable.Hahaha!Watch zis!  
  
(His SPECIALLY PREPARED CAKE makes a BEAUTIFUL WOMAN orgasm)  
  
NEO - What was the point of that?  
  
MAVORINGIAN - Mostly to develop my reputation as a flagrant womanizer!HAHAHA!  
  
MORPHEUS - So.can we have the Keymaker?  
  
MAVORINGIAN - No!Sod off (you Anglo-Saxons)!Now if you will excuse me my dear, I must go to zee bathroom.  
  
PERSEPHONE - Why?  
  
MAVORINGIAN - I drink a lot, my dear.As a result, I am full of piss in more way than one.Hahahaha!  
  
PERSEPHONE - Yes, but why are you going to the ladies bathroom?  
  
MAVORINGIAN - The 'gents' is filled with zee filthy Anglo- Saxons.Hahahahahahaha!  
  
(MORPHEUS, NEO, and TRINITY are forcefully escorted to the elevator)  
  
MORPHEUS - Well that went rather well.  
  
TRINITY - What are you talking about?We're screwed!  
  
MORPHEUS - Not if you have blind faith like me.  
  
(PERSEPHONE opens the elevator)  
  
MORPHEUS - See?  
  
THE LADIE'S BATHROOM  
  
PERSEPHONE - I will show you to the Keymaker..and all I ask is one kiss.  
  
MORPHEUS - * sigh* If you insist, but try not too swoon too much.  
  
PERSEPHONE - I meant from HIM  
  
TRINITY - Whoa!Don't go there girlfriend!  
  
(TRINITY pulls out a gun)  
  
NEO - Don't worry.I am brave enough to kiss this incredibly sexy woman to save planet Earth  
  
AUDIENCE - Oh, you're SO couragious.  
  
(NEO pecks PERSEPHONE)  
  
PERSEPHONE - Unbelievable!That felt more like Rowan Atkinson than Keeanu Reeves!  
  
NEO - Okay, one more time.  
  
TRINITY - Any tongue and I'll start shooting!  
  
(The WACHOWSKI BROS. show extreme closeups of NEO and PERSEPHONE'S mouths)  
  
AUDIENCE - Eew!She's got a MOUSTACHE!  
  
PERSEPHONE - Much better, follow me.  
  
(They go through another MAGIC DOOR)  
  
MANSION  
  
PERSEPHONE - Here are some of my husband's bodyguards.He hires them because they are very hard to kill.  
  
(She shoots them)  
  
PERSEPHONE - Or so I was told.  
  
(She release THE KEYMAKER)  
  
KEYMAKER - Hello  
  
MORPHEUS - No time for character development, we've got to escape.  
  
(Their ESCAPE is blocked by THE MAVORINGIAN and VARIOUS HENCHMEN, including THE TWINS)  
  
THE TWINS - 'Ello there, me old China.If you've finished gawking at our ridiculous pale make-up, you may start gawking at our chummy accents.  
  
MAVORINGIAN - Sacre bleau!Persephone, why did you betray me like zis (Especially to such Anglo-Saxon scum as you are with now)  
  
PERSEPHONE - You have betrayed me with several women.  
  
MAVORINGIAN - Maybe you shouldn't have married a French stereotype you cow!(To HENCHMEN) Kill those Anglo-Saxons!  
  
KEYMAKER - Welll, it's been nice talking to you, but I gotta run!  
  
(He leaves at incredible speed, MORPHEUS and TRINITY follow)  
  
MAVORINGIAN - After zem, boys!  
  
(The TWINS pursue them)  
  
MAVORINGIAN - As for you, last of the Anglo-Saxons `oo dares defile my `ouse, prepare to die!  
  
(His HENCHMEN fire submachine guns at NEO, but he freezes the bullets in mid-air)  
  
MAVORINGIAN - Hmmmmmm, you're alright, I'l give you zat.  
  
(The HENCHMEN grab various Medieval weapons that MAVORINGIAN kept lying about the place and fight NEO.They get their ASSES kicked.)  
  
MAVORINGIAN - Alright, I call it a draw!  
  
(Runs out through MAGIC DOOR, and shuts it behind him.NEO opens the MAGIC DOOR.only to find it isn't magic anymore.)  
  
NEO - Bugger.  
  
MANSION'S CELLARS  
  
(MORPHEUS and TRINITY escape the TWINS and the KEYMAKER opens a MAGIC DOOR into a PARKING LOT.The TWINS force their way in.)  
  
MAD DOG: Is it just me or is this script utter nonsense?  
  
WACHOWSKI BROS. - Just you!  
  
AUDIENCE - Utter nonsense!  
  
(Anyway, MORPHEUS, TRINITY and the KEYMAKER steal a SICK SPORTS CAR that the KEYMAKER has the KEYS for)  
  
TRINITY - Hey, what's the deal?Do you, like, have the key for EVERYTHING or something?  
  
KEYMAKER - Yes I do, actually.  
  
TRINITY - Oh, cool.  
  
(Meanwhile NEO opens the MAGIC DOOR..to find it is no longer a MAGIC DOOR..again)  
  
NEO - Double bugger.Link, where am I?  
  
LINK - What?Sorry, dozed off there for a moment, did I miss anything?  
  
NEO - Nothing much.Mavoringian's run off, Morpheus has the Keymaker, the Twins are chasing them, I killed a dozen of Mavoringian's henchmen and now I can't escape this mansion because I can't open these magic doors.  
  
LINK - Say what?  
  
NEO - Nevermind.Where am I?  
  
LINK - You're somewhere in the mountains.  
  
NEO - Wow, you're a lifesaver Link!I'm glad I've got you here, otherwise I might have to LOOK OUT A WINDOW!  
  
LINK - Whoop, hanging on, I've got Morpheus on the other line.  
  
*CLICK *  
  
LINK'S VOICE - You have been placed in the Nebuchadnezzer's service queue, please hold, your call is important to us.  
  
(Muzak plays)  
  
NEO - Screw this!  
  
(Flies off)  
  
CITY STREETS  
  
(MORPHEUS and TRINITY are driving down the road with the TWINS in hot pursuit)  
  
MORPHEUS - Link, what do we have to do to get out of here with the Keymaker as quickly as possible?  
  
LINK - The only way to do that would be to go on the Highway for fourteen minutes.  
  
MORPHEUS - I see.Would you care to explain the logistics of that?  
  
WACHOWSKI BROS. - No he wouldn't!  
  
MORPHEUS - (Loads gun) The highway it is then.  
  
TRINITY - But the Highway is suicide!  
  
MORPHEUS - We must do what we can do, to top the Box-office charts.I mean, save the world!  
  
THE RIDICULOUSlY EXPENSIVE HIGHWAY BIT  
  
MAD DOG - Okay, so much stuff happens here I can't even remember half of it.Here's a rough synopsis:  
  
THE TWINS - Must kill!  
  
AGENTS - Must kill!  
  
KEYMAKER - Help me!  
  
TRINITY - Quiet you big baby!  
  
(CAR CHASE)  
  
AUDIENCE - Whoa!  
  
(MOTORBIKE STUNTS)  
  
AUDIENCE - Whoa!  
  
(MORPHEUS blows up a FOUR WHEEL DRIVE with his SAMURAI SWORD that comes out of NOWHERE)  
  
AUDIENCE - Whoa!  
  
(NIOBE and GHOST show up and save the KEYMAKER)  
  
AUDIENCE - Whoah!.who the hell are those two?  
  
(Okay, THE TWINS are gone, TRINITY is assumedly safe, and MORPHEUS and AGENT THOMPSON are having a SHOWDOWN on the back of a LORRY.for NO APPARENT REASON)  
  
AGENT THOMPSON - I'm gonna kill you this time!  
  
MORPHEUS - Whatever!  
  
(Whips out SAMURAI SWORD)  
  
AGENT THOMPSON - You.cut my..tie.YOU BASTARD!  
  
(Obscenely expensive KUNG-FU fight with the SAMURAI SWORD thrown in.Naturally THOMPSON died)  
  
MORPHEUS - My work here is done.although this scene COULD use a massive explosion.  
  
(AGENTS possess the LORRY DRIVERS and drive their trucks at each other.No, seriously they do!)  
  
MORPHEUS - That should suffice.Oh crap, this will probably kill me.Jesus, hear me now, if you're up there I could use some help right now.  
  
(Pause)  
  
MORPHEUS - Aw, screw that!HEY NEO, GET YOUR PASTY WHITE ASS DOWN HERE!  
  
(NEO flies down and rescues MORPHEUS in THE NICK OF TIME.Naturally we are given a good shot of the MASSIVE EXPLOSION)  
  
UNKNOWN ROOM IN THE MATRIX  
  
MORPHEUS - Here we shall plan our final attack.  
  
NIOBE - Why here?  
  
MORPHEUS - Because I want to look cool for my speech and the Nebuchadnezzer doesn't have a wardrobe.  
  
KEYMAKER - There is a door that the One must go through.It is in a building with one of the greatest security systems ever made.The only way to de-activate the system is to blow up two nuclear power plants simultaniously.  
  
NEO - Piece of cake!  
  
KEYMAKER - After this, you will have precisely one minute to get through the door.  
  
NEO - Oh.that makes it a bit tricky.  
  
MORPHEUS - AHEM!Now you have finished your boring talk, Keymaker, it's time for my really cool speech.  
  
ALL - * Groan! *  
  
THE NEBUCHADNEZZER  
  
NEO - You're going to have to promise me something.  
  
TRINITY - What, honey?  
  
NEO - That you will never go in the Matrix again  
  
TRINITY - What?But sweetheart you know how much I like my black leather!  
  
NEO - Promise!  
  
TRINITY - Aw, okay, honey.I don't like to see you get mad  
  
POWER PLANT # 1  
  
(NIOBE and GHOST hit a few people and then the POWER PLANT blows up)  
  
AUDIENCE - Well, that was pretty damn fast!  
  
POWER PLANT # 2  
  
UNIMPORTANT CAPTAIN - Yeah, we're kickin' ass!  
  
(Their ship is blown up by an exploding discus novelty)  
  
UNIMPORTANT CAPTAIN - Ohhh, down I go.  
  
(All of the UNIMPORTANT CREW die instantly)  
  
WEIRD BUILDING  
  
MORPHEUS - To the door!  
  
(100 Agent Smiths emerge)  
  
AGENT SMITH - Or maybe not!  
  
MORPHEUS - Hold it, there are too many people in this cramped corridors for a Kung-Fu fight. Keymaker, you'd better leave.  
  
(THE KEYMAKER disappears through one of the many MAGIC DOORS)  
  
MORPHEUS - That's better.RUMBLE!  
  
THE NEBUCHADNEZZER  
  
LINK - Yo Trinity!  
  
TRINITY - Yeah?  
  
LINK - The unimportant ship got blown up, so now the back up power plant is still operational, so the security stuff on the magic door that Neo has to go through will still be active and because he has to go through in one minute he won't be able to go through and we're all going to die!  
  
TRINITY - That doesn't make any sense!  
  
LINK - Okay, here's something you may understand.See, this screen has lots of boxes and some percentages on it.When the percentages get too high, we all die.  
  
TRINITY - Oh okay.Oh my god!Those percentages are pretty high.  
  
LINK - Exactly.So you better go in the Matrix and shut that power plant down NOW  
  
TRINITY - But I promised Neo I wouldn't!  
  
LINK - 'I promised Neo I wouldn't'?What's happened to you Trinity?You've gone from being a rebellious vixen to a god-damn kitchen maid!  
  
TRINITY - Take that back!  
  
LINK - Only if you go into the Matrix!  
  
TRINITY - Alright, smart guy!  
  
POWER PLANT # 2  
  
(TRINITY does the MOTORBIKE THING from the start, and then goes into the plant and begins killing people left right and centre.)  
  
WEIRD BUILDING  
(Major fight scene)  
NEO - Wow, this is starting to get pretty hard.  
  
MORPHEUS - Indeed.There are approximately.576 Agent Smiths in this room.oh my god, WE'RE EVENLY MATCHED!  
  
(The KEYMAKER saves the day by using his CUNNING to open the REALLY IMPORTANT MAGIC DOOR)  
  
MORPHEUS - Alright, let's go!  
  
(MORPHEUS and NEO make it through but the KEYMAKER dies)  
  
MORPHEUS - What a shame.  
  
NEO - So.I just go through this door, to the Source, and I've saved the world.  
  
MORPHEUS - Yes  
  
NEO - I dunno.I've got a bad feeling about this.I mean, how can I believe this will save the world when there's a sequel coming out in November?  
  
MORPHEUS - Well, at least go through the door and find out what goes terribly wrong!  
  
(NEO goes through the VERY LAST MAGIC DOOR, and finds himself in a room with thousands of TV MONITORS and the ARCHITECT)  
  
NEO - Hello, I'm here to save the world.  
  
ARCHITECT - Then prepare to be disappointed.I am the Architect.I created the Matrix.And I will give you nothing but longwinded psychobabble and uninterpretable pseudo-mathematical gibberish.  
  
NEO - Soooo, I'm not going to save the world?  
  
ARCHITECT - No, but you can destroy it in two interesting ways!If you go through the door to the left, everyone in Zion will die, but you can repopulate it with some people out of the Matrix.Step to the right, and everybody in the Matrix AND Zion will die.That is to say, EVERYONE will die.Naturally I am a smart arse program and already know which one you will choose.  
  
NEO - While I'm here can you tell me anything interesting about the Matrix?  
  
ARCHITECT - Hmmmmmmm.Not as such.I can put forward certain viewpoints of my own of the inner mechanics of the Matrix mainframe, but they will certainly NOT be interesting.This is the sixth version of the Matrix.I made them all, but this is the best one.because SHE helped me.  
  
NEO - The Oracle.  
  
ARCHITECT - (Snort) No!  
  
NEO - You seemed pretty quick to deny that.  
  
ARCHITECT - Take it to the message boards, punk!  
  
AUDIENCE - Ohhhh!I'm still trying to figure out who 'she' was in Lord of the Rings!  
  
ARCHITECT - Now, time for you to doom the entire human race.You will go to save your girlfriend Trinity, after I show you this video of her falling to her death, even though there is nothing you can do.  
NEO - Oh my god, I've gotta save her!  
  
(He runs towards a door)  
  
ARCHITECT - The RIGHT door!  
  
NEO - Oh yeah.  
  
(He steps through the MAGIC DOOR, which seriously is the LAST ONE)  
  
CITYSCAPE  
  
(TRINITY is saved from falling to HER DEATH, by NEO who is flying at the SPEED OF LIGHT)  
  
NEO - Alright, three cheers for Neo!  
  
(TRINITY begins to die from being shot by THOMPSON)  
  
NEO - Crap.Unless.I can use my trippy Code-o-vision to see the bullet and pull it out!  
  
MORPHEUS - It's no good, she's dead!  
  
NEO - This is Sci-Fi!Death means NOTHING to us!  
  
(He saves TRINITY'S life)  
  
NEO - Oh yeah!Just when you though I was already TOO messiahic!  
  
THE NEBUCHADNEZZER  
  
MORPHEUS - I cannot believe the prophecy was a lie!  
  
NEO - Neither can I, but there's a big exploding novelty discus thing coming straight for us, so we should probably run like hell!  
  
THE REAL WORLD  
  
(NEO kills THE MACHINES with his bare hands, even though this is the REAL WORLD.or is it?)  
  
AUDIENCE - How are they going to explain this?  
  
WACHOWSKI BROS. - We aren't!  
  
(One last shot of NEO in a coma, who is hooked up to the REBEL THAT NOBODY HAS FIGURED OUT IS SMITH YET)  
  
TO BE CONCLUDED!  
  
AUDIENCE - Aw, crap!  
  
----------------------------------------THE REVOLUTIONS TRAILER------------- ------------------------------  
  
WACHOWSKI BROS. - The next part will, like, totally kick ass!See?  
  
(800 ½ second clips of action filmed with a hand digi-cam)  
  
WACHOWSKI BROS. - And we've got three times as many Agent Smiths!That'll make it three times as good!  
  
(The last of the AUDIENCE leaves)  
  
WACHOWSKI BROS. - Be sure to buy the Animatrix!And Enter the Matrix!And the Matrix Special Edition DVD!And.. 


End file.
